Saturday, November 12, 2011

Top Ten Things About Not Being Pregnant

This won't turn into an exclusively mommy blog, swear. But there are a few things I am so happy about now that I've had Henry. He is obviously the best perk as a result of the end of the pregnancy, but even only two weeks later, my life has changed in little non baby-related ways that amount to me being very, very happy. They are, in no particular order:
  • Being able to bend over. It is so annoying having something two feet away from you while sitting on your bed and not being able to reach it. Or dropping something on the ground and saying to yourself, "Eh...oh well".
  • No more itchy hands and feet. Seriously...what is that. Why does it happen. It's the worst. It's like getting a mosquito bite on your ankle, only it's all over. Ugh.
  • Not constantly hearing, "You don't look pregnant" in the first trimester and "You're glowing" in the third. Do you not believe that I'm pregnant? And by glowing, do you mean abnormally sweaty?
  • Walking at a normal pace. I'm typically a fast walker, a la New York girl. But when I was pregnant I walked. so. slowly. Not so much walked, but plodded. And I couldn't help it. It was frustrating having everyone around me - old people, toddlers, cats - outpace me. But not anymore!
  • Not weighing three hundred pounds. Okay, that's an exaggeration. But I gained so much weight on account of eating whatever I wanted (which you're not supposed to do, by the way). I have magically lost 20 pounds in the last 15 days. I don't know how. But I'm grateful.
  • Having every dress I own not be obscenely short. It sure takes a lot of material to cover that bump. And since I more often opted to buy normal sized dresses instead of maternity wear (yay summer pregnancy), this was a problem. Often.
  • Not getting weird looks from parents of prospective students on campus tours of Tulane. Mind your own business, jerks. I'm 28. Not an unwed co-ed.
  • Not having an outie. Self-explanatory.
  • Being able to take care of myself again. You have to lay off so much while pregnant. And not just alcohol, but really weird random stuff. No beauty products with salicylic acid. No cold medicine. Yeesh.
  • No more random bodily functions. This is a fun one. And to save you from TMI, I'll just give you one anecdote. Once on my bike ride home I randomly vomited. Didn't have time to stop, barely had enough time to turn my head to the side. But I'm glad everyone in attendance of the Tulane baseball game that day got to see. And since I wasn't showing, they undoubtedly judged me as an undergrad doing the walk (ride?) of shame.

Like I my Henry. And now that he's here and I'm getting my swagger back, life just keeps getting better and better.

1 comment: